Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You took a bar mat shot.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
