i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
