Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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