Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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