i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
