how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
