just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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