Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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