I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
