I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
