Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My balls are so social today.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
