Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
