Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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