I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize