You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
