Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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