we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
