I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
