You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I looked at my own cervix.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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