On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
