haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
