I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
