Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yo dont text me then not text me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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