Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
