I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
