I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he puts the penis in happiness.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
