if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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