I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
barbara walters just said penis...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
