The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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