This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
