I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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