I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
