the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
