He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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