At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm so fucking centered right now
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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