coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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