I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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