Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
even my farts smell like vagina
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
