the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
