I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
