I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
