Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
