I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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