Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
