You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize