As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
