Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
