I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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