You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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