got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
