Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
last night I used snow as a chaser
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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