ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
