It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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