You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize