I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize