I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
