I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
