My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
