You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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