I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
