i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
