my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
