Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
