i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
