Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
