He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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