Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
