The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
