she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dick very happy bro
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
