better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
