i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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